Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"it" just moved
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
