"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
