last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I met the friendliest cop last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
