I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
