Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
