so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pooping to opera.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
