chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
farters have to be the big spoon...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
