It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
