I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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