I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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