he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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