I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
