I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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