She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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