ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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