someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
