so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
