just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
