Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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