I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize