Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
