Can i not drive my cunt home
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
