So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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