i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
