Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
