i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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