I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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