I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
