i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we're making bets on your personal life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize