some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
