Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
