I want to make a zoo with you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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