I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
