You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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