Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize