She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
