Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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