I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
