I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
