I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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