PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize