my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
