Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
