Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
