Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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