He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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