I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
