You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no you cant smoke seaweed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
