I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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