I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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