Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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