goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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