I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My cat gives me a boner
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
