I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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