I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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