I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
