She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize