my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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