i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
