last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
