Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
