I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
