The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
