so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
