Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
