Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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